Anger Management
Welcome to the Family Support Group Program.
Here you can download the session PDF below by clicking on the button or continue scrolling to the online version. The videos password is craft.
Session Online Version
CHECK-IN SECTION – Maximum time 20 minutes
Mindful Minute -- take a break from what you have been doing, breathe deeply, relax and recharge.
Step 1: Find a comfortable seated position with both feet grounded on the floor. Put a hand on your stomach. Close your eyes.
Step 2: Take a deep breath in through your nose and out through your mouth. Notice your thoughts and feelings and any tensions in your body.
Step 3: As you inhale and exhale, breathe deeply so your belly fills and empties with air. The hand on your stomach helps you practice belly – not chest breathing.
Step 4: or the next minute make breathing in and out your only focus. Let your thoughts come and go without trying to control them. If you find an area of tension in your body, relax it and let the tension go.
Step 5: At the end the minute slowly open your eyes. Gently bring your presence back to your surroundings.
Our Purpose
Family Support Groups are for parents, partners, families and other Concerned Significant Others (CSOs) who have a loved one that is struggling with a substance use or mental health disorder. We know from first-hand experience that loving someone with these challenges can be a difficult, lonely journey. To create a safe place for honest sharing of our lived experience we use appropriate language and behavior. We are empathetic, nonjudgmental, genuine, respectful, steer clear of confrontation and imposing our own solutions. We encourage hope and compassion for all. CRAFT Connect reframes and energizes connections between you, your loved one and behavioral health professionals into a “therapeutic alliance” that leads to progress and healing. There is a lot we can learn from one another.
Last week we studied the “FS01. CRAFT Connect Overview” session.
A. Were you able to follow through on these commitments?
· Complete the “Self-Assessment Worksheet”.
B. What experience did you have practicing or sharing last session’s principles and skills?
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C. What did you do to purposefully take care of yourself?
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LEARN SECTION – Maximum time 30 minutes
1. We all may experience feelings of anger; it is a universal emotion. Anger functions to protect us from assault or loss of important people, things, or goals by urging us to threaten and attack those who might hurt us. It can also happen when things don’t turn out the way we would like. It could be a reaction to something which is said to us or about us. Anger can happen when people don’t behave the way we want them to or when we have to wait for something longer than we expected. We can become upset at injustices or when a loved one can’t see things from our perspective.
2. Some individuals use anger to intimidate and control others, to feel superior, and to avoid dealing with problems and responsibilities. Anger may also stem from pride and selfishness, such as when a person fails to get his or her way, and from a lack of meekness or patience in the face of provocation. Some individuals become angry when feeling frustrated, hurt, or disappointed.
DESCRIBE ANGER ACTIVITY
Step 1. Describe a situation that triggered your anger, e.g. an argument with your partner, your bank account is overdrawn, your house is messy, etc. (You will use this same situation several times during the session.)
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Step 2: Answer these questions about the situation.
What were the inaccurate judgements, thinking errors, that may have made your anger worse, e.g. "my partner only cares about herself" or "my friend is so irresponsible", etc. (See the “Healthy Thinking” session if needed.)
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Describe the physical reactions you felt when starting to get angry, e.g. sweaty palms, fast heartbeat, tense, irritable, etc.
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Describe how you acted out in anger, including your worst behavior.
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What was the result of being angry?
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How did you feel afterwards?
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Discuss: Share what you wrote with the group. How do we try to justify our anger?
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3. Regardless of the reasons we use, much of the difficulty we face managing angry behavior comes from not understanding anger accurately. Over time, certain myths and preconceptions about anger have become popular to the point of being widely accepted as true. These myths influence how people see anger, and how they express anger.
4. Myth #1 – Anger is pent-up pressure that needs to be released. We hear it commonly expressed that you “need to get it out of your system”, and if you don’t, it will come out in other, possibly hurtful ways. Those who believe this myth advocate for expressing anger through screaming, hitting a pillow, or taking out your anger on an inanimate object. Research has repeatedly shown than expressing anger in these ways generally intensifies feelings of anger, and that people who practice expressing their anger in these ways merely practice their anger until it becomes a habit. Anger does not automatically leads to aggressive behavior. It is commonly believed that anger builds and escalates to the point where it must be released.
5. Myth #2 – Anger is inherited. Many believe that they inherited their anger from a parent or parents, or that they belong to a culture or ethnic group where anger is prevalent. This assumes that my anger is something that I cannot do anything about. Anger is a learned behavior, not biologically inherited, and because of that, can be dealt with in healthier ways.
6. Myth #3 – Women are less likely to express their anger outwardly than men. We may subscribe to the belief that boys are encouraged to be aggressive, while girls are encouraged to be non-aggressive. Studies show that both men and women feel anger with about the same frequency and intensity. Part of this myth is that women turn their anger inward, resulting in higher rates of depression. Studies show that women with depressive symptoms have a higher rate of strong expressions of anger.
7. Myth #4 – You have to be aggressive to get what you want. Aggression is often confused with assertiveness. The goal of aggression is to get what you want, whatever the cost, where assertiveness is to seek to get your needs met, while respecting the needs and wants of others. Assertiveness does not harm, threaten or abuse others, where aggressiveness can dominate, intimate, harm or injure others in order to win or get needs met.
8. Letting out anger in aggressive ways may make us feel better in the moment but doesn't help us long-term. We may feel justified, but being angry can result in strained relationships, physical illness, financial loss and possible physical damage to self and others. Our response to how we react to feeling angry can be a choice. When we allow ourselves to dwell on angry thoughts our body also reacts. Physical reactions in the body increase our “emotional temperature level”. Certain behaviors or responses can intensify or heat up anger. Learning skills that help us “cool down” are important.
9. Responses that “heated up” anger in the situation you described at the start of this session.
· Making critical, accusatory, or sarcastic comments
· Arguing
· Making threatening or aggressive actions
· Focusing on our hurt feelings
· Planning revenge
· Engaging in any form of physical or verbal violence
Write down other responses that may have helped to “heat up” anger.
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10. Skills that could have helped to “cool down” anger in the situation.
· Tell yourself to calm down.
· Force yourself to leave the situation.
· Use visualization to calm down.
· Count to 10 (or 50… or 100)
· Splash some cold water on your face.
· Slow down and focus on your breathing.
· Try to replace negative, angry thoughts with positive, rational ones.
Write down other skills that could have helped you keep your “cool”.
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Discuss: Share what you learned about your responses and the skills you could have used.
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11. What many people don’t realize is that anger is a secondary emotion. What does this mean? Typically, one of the primary emotions, like fear or sadness, can be found underneath the anger. Fear includes things like anxiety and worry, and sadness comes from the experience of loss, disappointment or discouragement. (Healthypsych, Psychology Tools, What is Anger, 2019)It’s often easier for us to be angry than to deal with our real, underlying feelings. To get control over our anger, it is helpful to identify the different emotions that may be causing it.
UNDERLYING EMOTIONS ACTIVITY
Below is a list of underlying emotions we may be feeling when we’re angry. Look through the list and check off the emotions you may have been feeling in the situation you described at the start of this session.
UNDERLYING EMOTIONS
-Resentful
-Disappointed
-Ashamed
-Hopeless
-Guilty
-Unmet expectations
-Fear
-Embarrassed
-Frustrated
-Inferior
-Grieved
-Insensitive
-Injustice
-Shame
-Anxious
-Worried
-Threatened
-Nervous
-Rejected
-Entitlement
-Jealousy
-Offended
-Victimized
-Lonely
-Heartbroken
-Desperate
-Fatigue
Discuss: Share what you learned about the underlying emotions in your situation.
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“HEAT UP” OR “COOL DOWN” ANGER ACTIVITY
As you read the first example situation note how recognizing the underlying emotion(s) can help decrease anger. Now read the second example situation and add responses that could heat up anger and identify responses that could cool down anger.
Example 1
SITUATION: You are driving home from work after a long day and traffic is heavy. You are running late. Another driver almost causes an accident.
RESPONSES THAT “HEAT UP” ANGER: “How dare he think this is my fault! Why do they let guys like that drive on the road?”
UNDERLYING EMOTION(S): Stress Injustice Unfairness Fatigue Frustration
RESPONSES THAT “COOL DOWN” ANGER: “I can either make this worse or let it go. If I don’t let it go, I know it will affect how I feel at home tonight. Driving upset could cause me to have an accident.”
Example 2
SITUATION: You told your child to clean their room before playing video games but they ignored you and went straight to their game instead.
RESPONSES THAT “HEAT UP” ANGER: _________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________UNDERLYING EMOTION(S): ___________________________________________________________________________________
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RESPONSES THAT “COOL DOWN” ANGER: ____________________________________________________________________
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Discuss: Why is it hard to recognize our real emotions when we feel angry?
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Think: How are you currently feeling. Rate your feelings on a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being completely unhappy and 10 being completely happy. _____
12. Laughing can have very positive effects on health and happiness. Will someone volunteer to lead the “Laugh Club”. We want all of you to laugh along with the leader and continue laughing until they stop. Please keep it up for several minutes….Being able to laugh at ourselves or find humor in a situation helps us better cope with life’s unexpected frustrations and disappointments. Uplifting humor can be an effective tool for improving our attitude, relationships and health. This kind of humor does not offend or embarrass others. While it’s not appropriate to laugh all the time, each of us could benefit by laughing a little more.
Discuss: How did laughing help change the way you are currently feeling? What can we do to develop a sense of humor?
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GROUP SHARING SECTION – Maximum time 30 minutes
13. We will now begin the sharing portion of the meeting. You are invited to share from 3 to 5 minutes about your experience as it relates to your loved one’s recovery, this week’s session or what you are currently working on. Please focus your sharing on potential solutions rather than the problems. We will conclude the sharing five minutes before the end of the meeting. Who would like to begin?
MY COMMITMENTS SECTION – Maximum time 10 minutes
14. Please remember that what has been shared here is confidential and that the opinions expressed are of the individuals who shared them. These are the group commitments, we will start the next CRAFT Connect session by reporting on our commitments. This week I will:
A. Do the in-between session assignments:
· Complete the “Anger Awareness Worksheet" for a least two situations when I felt angry.
· Practice a "cool down" skill when I start to feel anger.
· Try to identify the underlying emotions each time I feel angry.
B. Share what I am learning with my family, friends and community.
C. Show kindness to myself by having self-compassion and taking care of myself.
As you listen to a “Song About Connection” take a few minutes to quietly think about what you learned in this session. Write your thoughts and personal commitments below.
Song about Connect: Watch “Paul Simon - Something So Right (Lyrics)” video.
What are the most important things I learned?
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What will I do differently because of what I learned?
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Anger Awareness Worksheet
Describe a situation that triggered your anger, e.g. an argument with your spouse, your bank account is overdrawn, your house is messy, etc. ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Describe the inaccurate judgements, thinking errors, that may have made heated up your anger e.g. "my partner only cares about them self" or "my child is so irresponsible", etc.
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Describe the underlying emotions or feelings behind your anger. ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Describe the physical reactions you feel that tell you that you are getting angry, e.g. sweaty palms, fast heartbeat, tense, irritable, etc. ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Describe the skills you used to cool down your anger. ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Describe what you learned about yourself through the experience. For example, I get angry more often when I am tired or anger isolates me from others.
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