FS03. Enrich Your Own Life

Session Online Version

CHECK-IN SECTION – Maximum time 20 minutes

Mindful Minute -- take a break from what you have been doing, breathe deeply, relax and recharge.

Step 1: Find a comfortable seated position with both feet grounded on the floor. Put a hand on your stomach. Close your eyes.

Step 2: Take a deep breath in through your nose and out through your mouth. Notice your thoughts and feelings and any tensions in your body.

Step 3: As you inhale and exhale, breathe deeply so your belly fills and empties with air. The hand on your stomach helps you practice belly – not chest breathing.

Step 4: or the next minute make breathing in and out your only focus. Let your thoughts come and go without trying to control them. If you find an area of tension in your body, relax it and let the tension go.

Step 5: At the end the minute slowly open your eyes. Gently bring your presence back to your surroundings.

Our Purpose

CRAFT Connects’ Family Support groups are for parents, partners, families and other Concerned Significant Others (CSOs) who have a loved one that is struggling with a substance use or mental health disorder. We know from first-hand experience that loving someone with these challenges can be a difficult, lonely journey. To create a safe place for honest sharing of our lived experience we use appropriate language and behavior. We are empathetic, nonjudgmental, genuine, respectful, steer clear of confrontation and imposing our own solutions. We encourage hope and compassion for all. CRAFT Connect helps to reframe and energize connections between you, your loved one and behavioral health professionals into a “therapeutic alliance” that leads to progress and healing. There is a lot we can learn from one another.

Last week we studied the “FS04. Healthy Thinking” session.

A. Were you able to follow through on these commitments?

• Use the “Thought Management Help Worksheet” to identify, challenge, replace, and practice thought management for two situations.

B. What experience did you have practicing or sharing last session’s principles and skills?

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C. What did you do to purposefully take care of yourself?

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LEARN SECTION – Maximum time 30 minutes

1. Having self-compassion and taking care of yourself, independent of whether your loved one enters or stays in treatment, is one of the main goals of CRAFT Connect. We know having a loved one with a substance use or mental health disorder isn’t easy. It can be exhausting caring for, problem solving, and just holding together a fragile life balance. There is a good chance you are feeling some burn out. There is also a good chance you have been working so hard at keeping you and your loved one’s life together that you have given almost no time or attention to enriching your own life. (Meyers and Wolfe, 2004).

Discuss: How can we help our loved one if we are physically, spiritually or emotionally ‘running on empty’?

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2. Self-compassion is acting the same way towards yourself even on those days when you are having a difficult time, feel you are failing or notice something you don’t like about yourself. Instead of just ignoring your pain with a “stiff upper lip” mentality you stop to tell yourself, “This is really difficult right now”, or ask “How can I comfort and care for myself in this moment?” Instead of mercilessly judging and criticizing yourself for various inadequacies or shortcomings, self-compassion means you are kind and understanding when confronted with personal failings.

3. Self-compassion is:

· Kindness NOT judgment. People cannot always be or get exactly what they want. When this reality is denied or fought against suffering increases in the form of stress, frustration and self-criticism. When this reality is accepted with sympathy and kindness, greater emotional self-control is experienced.

· Common humanity NOT isolation. Suffering and personal inadequacy is part of the shared human experience – something that we all go through rather than being something that happens to “me” alone.

· Mindfulness NOT over-identification with thoughts and feelings, so we are caught up and swept away by negative reactivity (adapted from https://self-compassion.org/, Neff, 2022).

Discuss: What is the hardest thing about having self-compassion for yourself?

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Watch: “A Self-Care Action Plan” video.

4. Self-care is the kindness you can show every day by treating yourself well and putting your own well-being first. It helps ensure that your emotional, spiritual and physical health is protected and that you are better equipped to deal with the challenges of your struggling loved. It is taking the time to ask yourself, “What am I going to do for me? and take an inventory of areas in you want to strengthen into your daily life. A good place to start asking these questions is by completing the Happiness Scale Survey included as part of the “Self-Care Plan Worksheet”.

Discuss: Share with the group the three areas identified in Step 2 of the Happiness Scale Survey that you like to see improvements in as part of your plan .

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5. To reinforce others, you may tell them they did a good job, smile at them, thank them, and give them positive reinforcement. You can do the same thing for yourself with goals you set in the “Self-Care Plan Worksheet”. Your reinforcers can be free and instant, to more elaborate requiring some money and time. It may be helpful to divide these reinforcers into three levels (Meyers and Wolfe, 2004).

Level 1 reinforcers: Free and instant.

· Affirmation. Tell myself, "I can do it."

· Smile at reflection in the mirror

· Practice Mindfulness

Level 2 reinforcers: Low cost and some time.

· Call a friend

· Read a book

· Go to a meeting

Level 3 reinforcers: Some time and some money.

· Buy myself flowers

· Treat myself to dinner out

· Go to the gym

6. Those who have a family member or loved one with a substance use or mental disorder tend to gradually isolate themselves from others. We withdraw, not wanting others to see our mess, or perhaps to protect our loved one from embarrassment or exposure. While we feel this may be helping our loved one, it often hurts them and our relationships with friends and family. Social support is an important part of taking care of yourself. Trying to “go it alone” is the fastest route to burnout and a breakdown of our personal resources. (Meyers and Wolfe, 2004)

Discuss: If we want to help our loved one, we have to first help ourselves. Social support is key. If you have withdrawn from friends or family, how can you re-engage?

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7. Let’s turn to and review the “Social Support Worksheet” included with this session. People can provide social support in a number of ways. Some may be a circle of friends we enjoy spending time with, perhaps with shared interests who help us have fun. A friend or family member who you identified in the worksheet as someone you can count on for help or support could also become a Trusted Advisor with whom you can share your struggles and feelings. They can also help us deal with stress, make better lifestyle choices and even change our outlook on life.

Discuss: How could having a trusted advisor help you?

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GROUP SHARING SECTION – Maximum time 30 minutes

8. We will now begin the sharing portion of the meeting. You are invited to share from 3 to 5 minutes about your experience as it relates to your loved one’s recovery, this week’s session or what you are currently working on. Please focus your sharing on potential solutions rather than the problems. We will conclude the sharing five minutes before the end of the meeting. Who would like to begin?

MY COMMITMENTS SECTION – Maximum time 10 minutes

9. Please remember that what has been shared here is confidential and that the opinions expressed are of the individuals who shared them. These are our group commitments, we will start the next CRAFT Connect session by reporting on them. This week I will:

A. Do the in-between session assignments

· Complete the “Self-Care Plan Worksheet”.

· Review the “Trusted Advisor Worksheet”.

B. Share what I am learning with my family, friends and community.

C. Show kindness for myself by self-care.

As you listen to this “Song About Connection”, take a few minutes to quietly think about what you learned in this session. Write your thoughts and personal commitments below.

Watch: “Natalie Merchant, Kind and Generous (+Lyrics)” video

What are the most important things I learned?

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What will I do differently because of what I learned?

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Self-Care Plan Worksheet

Step 1: Complete the following “Happiness Scale Survey” by asking yourself the following question as you rate each area. How happy am I with this area of my life? Then circle the number that applies. Numbers toward the left indicate various degrees of unhappiness, while numbers towards the right reflect various degrees of happiness. A one, 1, is completely unhappy and a ten, 10, would mean you are completely happy with that area. Remember, you are indicating your current happiness, that is how you have felt in the last 30 days. Try not to let your feelings in one area influence your answers in another area (Azrin, Naster & Jones, 1973).

Step 2: Choose three areas that you are going to work on as part of a Self-Care Plan. Remember to pick areas with a moderate rating of 4, 5 or 6 -- not a 1, 2 or 3.

A. Happiness Scale area:________________________________________________Rating____

B. Happiness Scale area:________________________________________________Rating____

C. Happiness Scale area:________________________________________________Rating____

Step 3: Explain the reasons for your dissatisfaction with these three areas.

A. Happiness Scale area:________________________________________________

Reasons for your dissatisfaction: _____________________________________________________________________________________

B. Happiness Scale area:________________________________________________

Reasons for your dissatisfaction: _____________________________________________________________________________________

C. Happiness Scale area:________________________________________________

Reasons for your dissatisfaction: _____________________________________________________________________________________

Step 4: Set a “I would like…” self-care goal for each of the areas you chose. Remember, goals tend to be the broader positive impact we want to see changed.

A. Happiness Scale area:________________________________________________

I would like ______________________________________________________________________________________________________

B. Happiness Scale area:________________________________________________

I would like ______________________________________________________________________________________________________

C. Happiness Scale area:________________________________________________

I would like ______________________________________________________________________________________________________

Step 5: Think of self-care reinforcers or rewards you could take in each area in order to achieve that goal. Turn off your internal editor, list at least one idea for each self-care level.

A. Happiness Scale area:________________________________________

Level 1 reward: ___________________________________________________________________________________________________

Level 2 reward: ___________________________________________________________________________________________________

Level 3 reward: ___________________________________________________________________________________________________

B. Happiness Scale area:________________________________________

Level 1 reward: ___________________________________________________________________________________________________

Level 2 reward: ___________________________________________________________________________________________________

Level 3 reward: ___________________________________________________________________________________________________

C. Happiness Scale area: ________________________________________

Level 1 reward: ___________________________________________________________________________________________________

Level 2 reward: ___________________________________________________________________________________________________

Level 3 reward: ___________________________________________________________________________________________________

Step 6: The “Problem Solving Worksheet” included with this session has a procedure of plans, goals and objectives that may be helpful for you to employ in developing your Self-Care Plan.

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Social Support Worksheet

SOCIAL SUPPORT WORKSHEET

These five questions ask about parents, partners, siblings, children, friends, co-workers or members of the community, the Concerned Significant Others (CSOs) in your life who provide you with help or support. Each question has a (a) and a (b) part. Step 1: For the (a) part, list all the people you know who you can count on for help or support in the manner described. Write the person’s initials and their relation to you (see example). Do not list more than one person next to each of the numbers beneath the question. Step 2: For the (b) part, circle how satisfied you are with the overall support you have. If you have no support for a question, circle the words “No one,” but still rate your level of satisfaction. Do not list more than nine people per question. Please answer all the questions the best you can. (Sarason, S. et al, 1983)

Example (a). Who do you know that you can trust with sensitive personal information?

No one, T.N. (brother), D.N. (father), L.M. (friend), W.T. (employer), R.S. (friend)

Example (b). How satisfied are you with the support you have in this area?