Mindfulness
A mother’s journey with her daughter’s substance abuse and mental health disorders.
Our daughter’s treatment journey was based in Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), acronyms I’d never known and that now are part of our daily vocabulary. The first skill of DBT is Mindfulness, described as “the mental state achieved by focusing one’s awareness on the present moment.” I had been aware of mindfulness as a “buzzword” for several years, probably had even picked up a book or two along the way. But, before our daughter’s journey into recovery, and before my husband and I joined a CRAFT Connect Family Support group, I had never intentionally practiced mindfulness.
As we began living with substance abuse and mental health disorders treatment and recovery, there were so many diagnosis, words, treatment models, definitions … so many things to take in and comprehend. I felt like I couldn’t learn it all fast enough. And yet, as I began to practice self-care and spend more time in quiet reflection, I came to see that many of the skills started with mindfulness.
CRAFT Communication skills, healthy boundaries necessary for behavior disorders, empathy, DBT … they all start with techniques to stop, pause, and focus on the present moment. Once I realized that, mindfulness changed from something I had to master to simply the practice of stopping.
Today, mindfulness to me is literally stopping to feel my feet. Where am I right now?
In doing that my attention and energy moves from my “I gotta fix it” brain into the place where I am literally standing and sitting. As that energy moves from my head and into my body, the immediate reaction is to take a deep breath, as if on the way down to my toes, my focus realizes, “Oh, I haven’t breathed in a while!” A series of slow breaths (maybe Square Breathing) slows my heart and nervous system down. Now, I’m in my body.
From there, I then tend to be aware of how I’m really feeling. The “fight or flight” responses that may have triggered my original “STOP” can then be replaced by other feelings -- maybe uneasiness, maybe just sadness, maybe fatigue. And, sometimes, maybe those feelings are a remembrance that I am safe. That while something around me may seem threatening, I’m actually okay and don’t need to flee (or fight!).
A formal mindfulness practice teaches us to observe those feelings without judgement. Notice them, acknowledge them, but don’t jump to action. My ability to just sit with or hold my feelings is growing over time. It’s a practice, not a destination. But the practice of mindfulness has opened up the ways in which I am able to communicate and connect with not just my daughter, but all of my family members.
There are many ways in which mindfulness comes forth as part of my self-care plan, from my spiritual practices of prayer and communal worship, to yoga, to taking a walk. Mindfulness isn’t an activity, but a way of keeping grounded in the moment, which can then lead to new ways of behaving and connecting with others.