Abuse/Domestic Violence Precautions
Welcome to the Family Support Group Program.
Here you can download the session PDF below by clicking on the button or continue scrolling to the online version. The videos password is craft.
Session Online Version
CHECK-IN SECTION – Maximum time 20 minutes
Mindful Minute -- take a break from what you have been doing, breathe deeply, relax and recharge.
Step 1: Find a comfortable seated position with both feet grounded on the floor. Put a hand on your stomach. Close your eyes.
Step 2: Take a deep breath in through your nose and out through your mouth. Notice your thoughts and feelings and any tensions in your body.
Step 3: As you inhale and exhale, breathe deeply so your belly fills and empties with air. The hand on your stomach helps you practice belly – not chest breathing.
Step 4: For the next minute make breathing in and out your only focus. Let your thoughts come and go without trying to control them. If you find an area of tension in your body, relax it and let the tension go.
Step 5: At the end the minute slowly open your eyes. Gently bring your presence back to your surroundings.
Our Purpose
CRAFT Connects’ Family Support groups are for parents, partners, families and other Concerned Significant Others (CSOs) who have a loved one that is struggling with a substance use or mental health disorder. We know from first-hand experience that loving someone with these challenges can be a difficult, lonely journey. To create a safe place for honest sharing of our lived experience we use appropriate language and behavior. We are empathetic, nonjudgmental, genuine, respectful, steer clear of confrontation and imposing our own solutions. We encourage hope and compassion for all. CRAFT Connect helps to reframe and energize connections between you, your loved one and behavioral health professionals into a “therapeutic alliance” that leads to progress and healing. There is a lot we can learn from one another.
What experience did you have practicing CRAFT Connect principles and skills?
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What did you do to purposefully take care of yourself and show self-compassion?
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LEARN SECTION – Maximum time 30 minutes
Think: On a scale from 1 to 10, with1 being not safe and 10 being the safest, how safe do you feel in your current relationships? _____ . Describe why you feel this way?____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
1. Violence by anyone under any circumstance is never normal or acceptable. Abuse is a choice someone makes in order to maintain power and control over another. If a loved one is abusive towards you, they have no right to treat you in that manner. You deserve to have a healthy, loving, supportive, trusting and safe relationship 100% of the time. If you feel you are in immediate danger, or even think this is a potential, then completing the evidence-based risk assessments in the “Domestic Violence Handout” at the end of the session may help you better understand your situation. In order to assess your risk for domestic abuse, it is important to have a complete understanding of what violence is (Turn to “Domestic Violence Handout”).
Watch: “10 Relationship Red Flags of Abuse” video
ASPECTS OF VIOLENCE ACTIVITY
Are there any aspects of violence highlighted in the video that you may currently be experiencing or have experienced in the past from a loved one? (Circle any that apply)
1. Controlling behavior. Yes, No
2. Humiliates you. Yes, No
3. Guilt trips. Yes, No
4. Forces you to take responsibility for the their feelings. Yes, No
5. Ultimatums. Yes, No
6. Physical violence. Yes, No
7. A bad temper. Yes, No
8. Forces you to do things you don’t want to do. Yes, No
9. Constantly checks up on you. Yes, No
10. Picking a fight. Yes, No
Discuss: Are there behaviors on this list that you didn’t think of as being abusive?
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2. Having a loved one with a substance use disorder places you at higher risk for domestic violence. Researchers have found that one fourth to one half of men who commit acts of domestic violence have substance abuse problems. When you are fighting back tears and rage as your loved one swears at you, you may not have time to do much of anything but react. But when they’ve stormed out the door or up to their room, the question arises in your mind yet again: “Why are they like this? Why do they talk to me this way?”
ANALYZE ABUSIVE/VIOLENT BEHAVIOR ACTIV
The “Analyze Behavior Worksheet” accompanying this session is CRAFT Connects’ framework for understanding factors that can influence the occurrence of any particular behavior – wanted or unwanted.
Step 1: Describe a recent violent, near-violent or abusive situation with a loved one. Include the 10 aspects of violence highlighted in the video.
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Step 2: Enter that description into the Step 1: Describe the Behavior section of the Analyze Behavior Worksheet.
Step 3: Work through Steps 3 to 6 of the Analyze Behavior Worksheet
Step 4: How could you respond differently to help de-escalate the situation described in Step 1, so that it didn’t become violent or abusive?__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Step 5: Come to the next session prepared to share one or two ideas for how you could respond differently.
3. One of the hardest tasks we can face is responding to our loved one’s aggression or abuse. It’s natural to feel torn. On one hand, it’s instinctual to protect your loved on. On the other hand, nothing can push our buttons of anger, disappointment, and hurt like a loved one’s abusive behavior. Some days you may feel emotionally stronger than others. Only you can decide what you’re able to follow through with at any given time. Make sure your loved one understands your physical and emotional boundaries.
4. If you’ve laid down boundaries in the past, but allowed her to cross those boundaries in the past without consequence, she’s gotten mixed messages. Your words have told her one set of boundaries but your actions (by accepting being yelled at or hit) have communicated another set of boundaries. Make sure your non-verbal communication (what you do) matches your verbal communication (what you say). Think: How would you clearly communicate boundaries and the consequences of crossing those boundaries?____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
5. Make sure your actions match your words. If you don’t think you can follow through, don’t say you will. This will only reinforce to your loved one that you make “threats” that won’t be carried out. You may choose to provide consequences, other than legal, that you enforce. If a friend physically assaulted you, would you let her borrow your car or give her spending money the next day? Probably not. Think: How would you clearly communicate consequences for abusive behavior? ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
6. Some family members are outraged at their loved one’s abusive behavior and are able to call the police. Other family members struggle worrying about the long-term consequences of contacting the authorities or are unable to handle the thought of their loved one facing charges. Abuse and domestic violence have traditionally been characterized by silence. As hard as it is, break that silence. Remember, if your loved one is behaving violently toward you now, there is the risk that this will generalize to his future relationships with a spouse, his own children, or other members of society. You are not doing him a favor by allowing him to engage in this behavior without consequence. The road to a healthier relationship with your love one starts with an acknowledgment of the issue and accountability. Think: If you were facing this issue in your family, what would you do? ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
7. Social support is key in helping those experiencing abuse and domestic violence. Who did you identify in the “Social Support Worksheet” that you could call on for help? If your natural supports tend to judge you and you’re afraid it will only make the situation worse, contact a local domestic violence hotline, counselor, or support group (see “Domestic Violence Handout”).
Name and number: ______________________________________________________________
Name and number ______________________________________________________________
Name and number ______________________________________________________________
8. A self-protection plan is needed in the event you have to leave your abuser. Sometimes you may have little warning and need to act quickly if you find you are in danger. A self-protection plan could include:
● Having a bag packed and ready to go
● Getting help from organizations like domestic violence shelters
● Reporting the violence to the police
● Leaving the home temporarily or permanently
● Staying in your home and getting the person who is harming you to leave
● Taking legal action
SELF PROTECTION PLAN ACTIVITY
Begin to develop a self-protection plan by identifying what resources and steps you would need if you had to quickly escape a violent situation with your loved one. Write your ideas below:
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9. Victims of domestic violence are protected under both federal and state laws, and may seek relief in civil as well as criminal court. Moments of strong emotion, especially when your loved one is under the influence or misbehaving, are not the moments when you can have reasonable conversations with them. There are plenty of those moments that don’t come with the threat of violence. “This is one of those situations where saying, ‘lose the battle to win the war’ is appropriate” (Meyers and Wolfe, 2004, p. 58). Know when to use the legal system to keep you and your family safe.
GROUP SHARING SECTION – Maximum time: 30 minutes
10. We will now begin the sharing portion of the meeting. You are invited to share from 3 to 5 minutes about your experience as it relates to your loved one’s recovery, this week’s session or what you are currently working on. Please focus your sharing on potential solutions rather than the problems. We will conclude the sharing five minutes before the end of the meeting. Who would like to begin?
COMMITMENTS SECTION – Maximum time 10 minutes
11. Please remember that what has been shared here is confidential and that the opinions expressed are of the individuals who shared them. These are our group commitments, we will start the next CRAFT Connect session by reporting on them. This week I will:
A. Do the in-between session assignments
· Complete the “Analyze Abusive/Violent Behavior Activity”.
· Develop a Self-Protection Plan.
B. Share what I am learning with my family, friends and community.
C. Show kindness for myself by self-care.
As you listen a song about connection take a few minutes to quietly think about what you learned in this session. Write your thoughts and personal commitments below.
Watch: Video TBD.
What are the most important things I learned?____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
What will I do differently because of what I learned?____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Domestic Violence Handout
Self-Assessment
Need Help?
A Guide to Domestic Violence and Getting Help
National Domestic Violence Hotline Call 1-800-799-7233 and TTY 1-800-787-3224.
Love is Respect National Dating Abuse Helpline Call 1-866-331-9474 or TTY 1-866-331-8453
Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network’s (RAINN) National Sexual Assault Hotline Call 800-656-HOPE (4673) to be connected with a trained staff member from a sexual assault service provider in your area.
Analyze Behavior Worksheet
The following question should help you begin to establish a framework for understanding factors that can influence the occurrence of any particular behavior – wanted or unwanted.
Step 1: Describe the Behavior, something your loved one does on a fairly regular basis that has a discernable pattern. Be as complete and specific as possible regarding what you know about this kind of episode. Remember to provide information on What, How often, and How long. (See Note below.) ____________________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Step 2: What are the External Triggers? Describe the environmental triggers that lead up to the behavior.
Who is loved one usually with when their behavior starts? ______________________________________________________________________________________________________
Where does the behavior usually start? ______________________________________________________________________________________________________
When does the behavior usually begin? ______________________________________________________________________________________________________
Step 3: What are the Internal Triggers? Make your best guess about what you believe could be the internal triggers – thoughts and feelings -- that lead up to the behavior. Remember that thoughts are ways of dealing with feelings.
What do you think your loved one is feeling right before the behavior? ______________________________________________________________________________________________________
What do you think your loved one is typically thinking about right before the behavior? ______________________________________________________________________________________________________
Step 4: What are the “Red Flags” or warning signs? Assuming that in some way you have witnessed your loved one’s behavior think about the physical, emotional, behavioral indicators that signaled its start. Include words, voice tone, context, and non-verbal cues.
What are some physical signs that tipped you off that your loved one’s behavior started? ______________________________________________________________________________________________________
What changes in your loved one’s emotions did you witness? ______________________________________________________________________________________________________
What is the last thing your loved one says or does before the behavior? ______________________________________________________________________________________________________
Step 5: What are the Positive Consequences? What do you think your loved one likes about the behavior? Remember to provide information on Who, Where, and When. ______________________________________________________________________________________________________
What pleasant thoughts do you think your loved one has while doing this behavior? ______________________________________________________________________________________________________
What pleasant feelings do you think your loved one has while doing this behavior? ______________________________________________________________________________________________________
Step 6: What are the Negative Consequences? What do you think or feel are the negative results of your loved one’s behavior? Try to include the interpersonal, physical, emotional, legal, job, financial areas of their life. Note with a * any negative results that your loved one would agree with. _________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Note: If you or a loved one is taking prescription drugs you need to separate the side effects of those drugs from the behavior. If you are not sure of the side effects one of these government websites will help https://dailymed.nlm.nih.gov/dailymed/, https://www.accessdata.fda.gov/scripts/cder/daf/index.cfm.