LWL04. Validation
CHECK-IN section – Maximum time 20 minutes
Mindfulness: Take a break from what you have been doing, breathe deeply, relax and recharge.
Step 1: Find a comfortable seated position with both feet grounded on the floor. Put a hand on your stomach. Close your eyes.
Step 2: Take a deep breath in through your nose and out through your mouth. Notice your thoughts and feelings and any tensions in your body.
Step 3: As you inhale and exhale, breathe deeply so your belly fills and empties with air. The hand on your stomach helps you practice belly – not chest breathing.
Step 4: For the next two minutes make breathing in and out your only focus. Let your thoughts come and go without trying to control them. If you find an area of tension in your body, relax it and let the tension go.
Step 5: At the end of the two minutes slowly open your eyes. Gently bring your presence back to your surroundings.
Gratitude: Taking time every day to be grateful can help our health, relationships, emotions and happiness. What is something you are grateful for this week? (Everyone in group shares.)
Review “How Are We Doing?” worksheet. (Led by loved one with behavioral health disorder.)
· Past week’s recovery activities.
· Goals for next week.
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SKILL FOR A LIFE WORTH LIVING section – Maximum time 20 minutes
Discuss: How did you benefit from working on last week’s commitments? (Everyone in group shares.)
Think: Am I making the most of daily opportunities to show love and kindness to those around me?
Today we can start expressing love to our family members, friends, mere acquaintances, or total strangers. As we begin each day we can determine to respond with love and kindness to whatever might come our way. To validate someone's feelings starts first with accepting that they are real for that person and then try to understand them. Below are some steps to help you validate someone who is facing a challenge.
Listen. Be present and listen intently to what this person is telling you. Don't be defensive if you have contributed to their problem. Try to understand. You may need to ask compassionate open ended questions to better understand what this person is feeling. Do your best to understand where they're coming from. Accept their feelings. Don't try to change them or say they're wrong for feeling that way.
Express compassion. Express that you care about what they're feeling. You can validate their feelings by saying things like, "You feel disrespected. It's hard to feel disrespected (or anxious, hopeless, worthless, angry, etc.)”, even if you can't relate to the situation or the cause of the feeling. Tell this person that you care about them and that you are confident in their ability to solve or overcome the problem they are facing.
Read through this example of how you could validate someone going through a hard time. Emily’s mother recently died from an illness. She lives alone and doesn't have family nearby. Susan came by to see how she was doing. Susan was tempted to interrupt Emily, but she didn't. She just listened. When she felt it was appropriate, she said, “This must be really hard…” instead of saying “At least you still have…”. She understood that Emily just missed her mom. She then showed love by sitting with her while Emily cried.
Discuss: How did Susan choose to validate Emily?______________________________________________________________________________________________________
VALIDATING OR IN-VALIDATING ACTIVITY
Step 1: Read the following responses and decide if they are validating or in-validating. Put a “V” next to validating statements and an "I” next to in-validating statements.
___ “At least you still have. . ."
___ “This must be really hard. . ."
___ “Everything happens for a reason. . ."
___ “Just look on the bright side. . ."
___ “I can’t imagine what you are going through. . ."
___ “I’m glad you told me about this. . ."
___ "You’re manipulating me. . ."
___ “This too shall pass. . ."
___ “I’m happy to listen any time. . ."
___ “It’s all in your head. . ."
___ “I want to make sure I understand. . ."
___ “What has this been like for you?"
___ “This must be hard to talk about. . ."
___ “You’re interrupting me. . ."
___ “I know how you feel. . ."
___ “What do you need right now?"
Step 2: What do the in-validating statements have in common? ______________________________________________________________________________________________________
Step 3: What do the validating statements have in common? ______________________________________________________________________________________________________
Discuss: Share what you learned from this activity.
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COMMIT & CELEBRATE section
This week I will commit to:
· Practice using validating responses when providing support to others.
· Reinforce and celebrate recovery by sharing a pleasant recreational activity with members of my family/CSOs group. (See “Celebrate Recovery Handout” for ideas.)
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Benefits from keeping commitments:
· Even if we do not know how to relate to what others are going through, validating that their pain is real can be an important first step in finding understanding and healing.
· Sharing pleasant recreational activities helps keep us close and can become a buffer for negative interactions that can be part of any relationship.
Watch: Lyric video. (Video that reinforces this week’s topic.)