PW07. Strengthen Others

Aug 12

Enjoy the videos and music you love, upload original content, and share it all with friends, family, and the world on YouTube.

Welcome to Self Care: Session 07.

Here you can download the session PDF below by clicking on the button, or continue scrolling to fill out the private digital version.

DOWNLOAD SESSION PDF

To navigate the YouTube playlist, click the playlist button in the top right corner to show all the included videos.

Session Digital Version

Entering your name, email address and hitting “Submit” after you complete the session sends a digital file, including all your responses, to you within the hour. Having a record of your thoughts will increase your understanding and help you learn. As you progress through CRAFT Connect you will be able to measure that progress.

Name

First Name

Last Name

Think: What do you live for? What is most important in your life?

Discuss: How do you feel when you forget yourself and reach out to others?

1. We live in a world that believes when you give something away, you have less. There are common myths we sometimes believe about helping others. As you read through the following myths, evaluate whether or not you have ever felt this way by circling either Yes or No.

MYTH: I am 100% responsible for providing others the help they need. Have you ever felt this way, Yes or No?

THE REALITY: You can become part of a healing community. You have unique strengths and perspectives to offer, and, by giving when you can, you can help others.

2. MYTH: I should be the expert on solving others' problems. Have you ever felt this way, Yes or No?

THE REALITY: Your role is to love and help people. Many health care professionals consider their role to be helping a person make his or her own changes, rather than providing an instruction manual.

3. MYTH: There are quick fixes to life's problems. Have you ever felt this way, Yes or No?

THE REALITY: Working through change is a process, and nearly always takes longer than we think. There are rarely quick fixes to most problems. We live in a culture of instant gratification, and we are promised that there are quick solutions to nearly anything. Real change is a refinement process that the person has to go through.

4. MYTH: I don’t know how to respond. Have you ever felt this way, Yes or No?

THE REALITY: The good news is that our most effective responses to those in need are usually very simple. The greatest gift we can give others is to show interest in them, ask questions, listen with love, and help people feel safe in sharing with us. (See the “Social Support” session for ideas validating others.)

5. MYTH: If I help, they will become dependent on me. Have you ever felt this way, Yes or No?

THE REALITY: It’s true that helping others takes time and effort—we may have to sacrifice some things to help others. However, never underestimate the power that small and simple acts of love can have in people’s lives, and don't be afraid of making an investment in someone. (Foster, M., How to Help Hurting People)

Discuss: Which myths are especially hard for you? How can being aware of these myths help us when providing strength to others?

6. As we seek to help those in need, we should try to understand and avoid passing judgment. Education groups like this one, can help us learn about others health problems, ways to provide strength to them, and strategies for improving our and their social and emotional wellness. Our Concerned Significant Others (CSOs) can have a positive impact on the treatment of serious issues.

7. Helping someone we love may feel overwhelming. It can be exhausting caring for, problem solving, and just holding together the delicate and fragile life balance. There is a good chance you have been working so hard at keeping your and others lives together that you have given almost no time or attention to enriching your own life. (Meyers and Wolfe, 2004). In your effort to assist with another’s social and emotional health, do not destroy your own. In all these things be wise. Do not run faster than you have strength.

Discuss: How can we effectively help someone if we are ‘running on empty’? How have you been able to balance helping others with taking care of yourself?

8. When we feel good about ourselves, we are more likely to develop relationships that are good for us. We teach people how to treat us, in other words, how we behave toward ourselves clues in others on how they should behave towards us. If we feel good about ourselves, respect ourselves, and treat others with respect, we are showing people how we would like to be treated.

9. To reward others, you may tell them they did a good job, smile at them, thank them, and give them positive reinforcement. Self-care is doing the same thing for yourself. These actions can be free and instant, like practicing Mindfulness, to more elaborate requiring some money and time. It may be helpful to divide Self-care into three levels; Free and Instant, Time/Low Cost, Time/Money. (Meyers and Wolfe, 2004).

SELF-CARE REWARDS ACTIVITY

Step 1: Take a few minutes to think of rewards you could give yourself as part of your self-care.

Step 2: List at least three ideas for each level. Examples rewards for each Level are included to get you started

Level 1 Rewards: Free and instant

Tell myself, “I can do it.” Mindfulness meditation Smile at my reflection in the mirror

Level 2 Rewards:: Low cost and some time

Call a friend Read a book Go to a meeting

Level 3 Rewards: Some money and some time

Buy myself flowers Treat myself to dinner out Go to the gym

Discuss: How could consciously adding self-care actions into each day be helpful in ‘filling your tank’ and providing strength to others. Why is it important to plan for self-care?

10. Every day of our lives we are given opportunities to show love and kindness to those around us. We must remember that people we meet in parking lots, offices, elevators, and elsewhere are the portion of mankind that have been given us to love and to serve. It will do us little good to speak of the general brotherhood of mankind if we cannot regard those who are all around us as our brothers and sisters. Today we can start expressing love to our family members, friends, mere acquaintances, or total strangers. As we begin each day we can determine to respond with love and kindness to whatever might come our way.

11. Even if we do not know how to relate to what others are going through, validating that their pain is real can be an important first step in finding understanding and healing. To validate someone's feelings starts first with accepting that they are real for that person and then try to understand them. Below are some steps to help you validate someone who is facing a challenge.

Listen. Be present and listen intently to what this person is telling you. Don't be defensive if you have contributed to their problem.

Try to understand. You may need to ask compassionate open ended questions to better understand what this person is feeling. Do your best to understand where they're coming from.

Accept their feelings. Don't try to change them or say they're wrong for feeling that way.

Express compassion. Express that you care about what they're feeling. You can validate their feelings by saying things like, "You feel disrespected. It's hard to feel disrespected (or anxious, hopeless, worthless, angry, etc.)," even if you can't relate to the situation or the cause of the feeling.

Tell this person that you care about them and that you are confident in their ability to solve or overcome the problem they are facing.

12. Read through this example of how you could validate someone going through a hard time. Emily’s mother recently died from an illness. She lives alone and doesn't have family nearby. Susan came by to see how she was doing. Susan was tempted to interrupt Emily, but she didn't. She just listened. When she felt it was appropriate, she said, “This must be really hard…” and “What do you need right now…?” Instead of saying, “Everything happens for a reason…” or “At least you still have…”. She understood that Emily just missed her mom. Susan decided to express empathy by saying, “I can’t imagine what you are going through, my heart is breaking with you.” She then showed love by sitting with her while Emily cried. (For more examples of validating statements see the “Social Support” session.)

Discuss: How did Susan choose to validate Emily?

HOW CAN I HELP? ACTIVITY

Step 1: Choose one of the below situations of someone going through a difficult time.

Looking for employment for over six months. Being bullied. Dealing with years of chronic illness. Significant disagreements with a family member. Newly divorced, becoming a single parent.

Step 2: Role-play with a partner what you might say or do to provide support.

Step 3: Now think about someone you know who needs your help. What is their situation?

Step 4: What are the unique talents, contacts and resources who have to offer that person?

Step 5: Make a plan to serve that person.

Discuss: Share a positive experience you had while providing strength to others.

Think: Take a few minutes to quietly think about what you learned in this session. Write your thoughts below.

What are the most important things I learned?

What will I do differently because of what I learned?

13. These are our commitments for this week. We will start our next session by reporting on them. This week I will:

Provide strength to someone I know who is in need of support. Practice using helpful responses when providing support to others. Share what I learned with my family, friends and community.

HITTING THE “SUBMIT” BUTTON AT THE END OF THIS PAGE WILL SEND THIS CRAFT CONNECT SESSION, INCLUDING YOUR NOTES AND RESPONSES, DIRECTLY TO YOUR EMAIL.

John Garbett

PW07. Strengthen Others

Session Digital Version

PW06. Relationships Take Work

PW08. Learning from Setbacks